Cabin FEVAH, the signs

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things I think may indicate I have cabin fever ::::

1. thinking too much

2. feeling like my body wants to jump out of itself

3. wanting sunshine so bad it feels like i lost a lover every day it's cloudy

4. my dancing becomes more angry looking and spastic (alot of hair swinging)

5. getting snippy with my cat when she claws up my leg

6. a hot bath feels better then anything in the world when the first foot goes in

7. continuous thoughts of running away, far far away

8. wishing for vices that would make me knocked out or drunk

9. spending too much time on the internet

10. wondering what all the other people my age are doing at this very moment

11. wondering if my life is passing me by cause i am not standing up and doing a project at that moment

12. contemplating how important brushing my teeth is if no one is coming by, but forcing twice a day

13. urges to drive all the way to town in the snow just to get a rice milk & see cute boys in the check out line

14. checking my arm pitt smell and analzying what it means

15. Ovulation becomes a tragedy of cabin cleaning and lust

16. i remember i am only human

xoxoxo

Winter's Close

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*
In spite of the fact that it snowed here again a few days ago, it is slowly melting, dripping and soaking the ground at this very moment. Spring wants to be here so bad. I can see it in the neighbors dog's coat which is flinging hair into the air, i can see it when i get close to the ground and tiny green things are coming up, so tiny i cant identify which wild plant they will be.... tiny inch worms coming out from under a leaf, then going back into hiding. Frogs croaking a mating call that sounds like women gossiping furiously.... then silence in the cold of the night.
I am ready. Of course, who isnt ready for this long winter to end? I am ready for the sun to tan and mark my skin, to exaggerate every freckle on my face, to give me energy while relaxing my soul.
The winter has been a weary sort of nightmare. I never really thought about it before hand but I suppose it was my first winter living in the woods, sustainable, remote and totally alone. I have been living in the woods over ten years now... most the time i had some partner (ah, boyfriends...i remember those!)... and during those years most of my sustainable living was just in the learning phases, it certainly wasn't this hardcore.
If you have a partner right now, at this very moment, be thankful - even if they suck in some ways... the only reason to not be thankful is if they suck so bad they dont even help ya carry in wood to stay warm. Otherwise, another pair of arms is like.... heaven during the winter!
Can we all do it alone? Probably shouldnt, but anyone half healthy can do it. Can we all stay sane living like this alone? I doubt most can. You might think I stayed sane... but i don't think i really stayed healthy in my mind throughout this semi-off grid winter.
Depression, exasperation, anger, resentment, insane laughter, cursing, frustration ... were all my friends. You could even say they were my partner, since there was a void to fill where no extra helping hand existed. Anger might motivate me to keep pushing through the snow, anger would say "don't stop now, don't let the snow get ya! the snow will not defeat you!", as i pushed up a mile long steep hill carrying so much food on my tiny back I thought i would break, but instead got hypothermia. All the emotions we like to dub as "bad" and "negative" are great motivators. I kept from falling asleep with hypothermia in the the snow by yelling out things into the empty frozen air - things i resented in my life, i released them, and changed them soon as i got home.
*
Now, snow drips, melts - it tries to wet my last pile of firewood... since the ice ripped off the gutters on the cabin a while back. Wet wood, does not keep you as warm, wet wood is annoying but I will burn it regardless. I have gotten to the point that i can light a great fire with using only one single match to begin with. YAY! i think... that matters? But only if i choose this way of life.
*
Did a winter of slipping on snow and ice, fainting, cutting my hand, cursing frozen water, cursing a dirty body, and being snowed in away from humans make me not want to live this way? Does it make me want to be back in the city in central heat and TV?

No fucking way!
When the city lights go out and there is no heat, i am still warm and cooking on my wood stove.
To put it crudely.... ya know how people say "once you go black you never go back"...
*ehem*
well, its kinda like that, but with nature.

xoxoxox

Looking for a Bath... Finding Adventure? Alotta Angels?

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Not having a bath for a month, motivated me to get out from the cabin one more time, before this week's set of snow storms arrive tonight!



xoxox

Going To and From the Grocery!

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Going to the grocery aint what it used to be.
Walking a mile to a plowed road where the truck is parked, scraping snow off the truck, getting down the mountain safely, (i didn't film inside the grocery, sorry, that place was a crazy house!), and then the hardest part.... coming back up the mountain and hoping to get to my front door.
Pretty mundane, but pretty complicated.
Luckily I had a special friend who rode with me...



xoxoxx

Fixing My Spring Water... In The Dark

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Most of ya'll know by now, i have been having every water problem thinkable since winter started. The last few days I had an increasing problem with sediment coming from my outside pump (cause of course my inside water has been frozen for weeks)- there was not just a lil dirt in my drinking & cooking water, but a dead salamander so decayed it's legs were gone, large pieces of bark and leaves, and the clincher that sent me out into the night... little shavings of plastic with bits of plumbing glue on it (somehow from back when the piping was put underground.)
I will drink salamander decay water ANYDAY over plastic!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------


xoxoxox

Snow Walk (ft.) JuJu the Donkey

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Me and JuJu went for a walk today in the snow, looking for sunshine and finding other fun stuff like turkey tracks, ice in the creeks, pretty waterfalls of water.
But then JuJu runs off with some kids and I have to go find her in the dark.



Xoxoxox

Breaking Icicles ft JuJu the donkey

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______________________________

I like, I dont like, I like. What do I like?
I like JuJu. I like life.



Xoxoxoxo

Luck Cabin under Snow Seege

***
Here's a lil video from the last few days of snow storms...
my laughs are all the kind that comes from crazy people who are snowed in alone for too long. That is not my happy laughter- it's called serious stress, hardship & isolation. I don't like the person I am right now.
On a lighter note, icicles can be really beautiful.



xoxoxox

Snow-pocolypse, & my bad!

I have had nothing to say.
Which is new for me. One of the reasons I write here (usually) every single day is because I want to share all the cool ass shit we can do while living sustainably, off grid, eco, primitive or whatevs label you enojoy giving it.
I havent been saying anything on here, because I have been in a sort of limbo that may not end till Spring time - when decisions must be made. I like to only write about good stuff, positive feelings, i like it to motivate, be happy --- none of which I could do the last few weeks in all the snow storms because everything I did to prepare here, kinda.... well.... started falling apart.
*
The plumbing does something new every single day. I told ya'll about the filter-splosion in the cabin that flooded it, but there has also been intermitten times of no water, then water, then no water in the outside pump even, only water up the side of the mountain, then water again, then drain pipes freezing so i had to stop dripping water (aka no water again) - drain pipes de-frosting and coming apart, flooding the floor again, no running water?
I DONT fucking get it anymore?!!!
And i can tell you it's not sustainable water anymore (even though gravity fed) cause unless i put "heat tape" on the pipes (which uses bunches of electricity) they will stay frozen all winter long.
......
So i was talking on the phone with a friend who was ready for me to stop complaining and buck up - she said something to the effect "you wanted to be off grid" ---->
but these problems are not related to being Off Grid. They are problems of location, lack of immediate help, and did i mention NO SUNSHINE whatsoever during the winter months.
Yep, i found out the hard way that my cabin is between two ridges and during the winter the sun is behind a ridge and i get none. Even cutting back trees wont do enough good, and i would have to cut back hundreds of them, ones not even on my land.
My Mistake :::::::::::
not knowing the sun pattern before buying the Luck Cabin.
I thought it got enough sun, even though it doesnt get tons... i had no idea the winter would mean utter darkness. And the reason I have said nothing for quite a while now is because i have been sitting in my rocking chair in front the wood stove comtemplating whether I can spend the rest of my life half a year in darkness. This prospect, after all i have put into being here at the Luck Cabin, and it's utter perfection at all other times of the year make me feel heartbroken in a way there have been and still are no words for.
I don't know many or really any people who could live without sunshine half a year.
------ the other part of this, is just right down my driveway is another climate. I literally am just a few hundred feet from a warmer climate. My driveway marks some kind of elevation change, where the tempature drops a significant amount, and i got twice as much snow & cold as people just a lil' ways below me. Yesterday I took my Jimmy truck dangerously down the road, only to see that I really was in some kind of isolated world, one that had a storm much worse then those just hop, skips, and jumps away - and this was a bit of a shock.
*
Two things I can NOT fix :::::::::::
the sun
the micro climate at the Luck Cabin
*
For many weeks I could not put my finger on it, I could not put into words how i was feeling. I only knew I was getting no sunshine here and was feeling really depressed. I had no intention of ever revealing this dirty little secret, my big sustainability mistake.... but eventually i began crying (thanks PMS) and had to confess to the first person that rang my phone in the middle of the nervous breakdown.
*
I think living this way alone is quite hard, but do-able. But if you choose to live off grid in a harsh winter climate alone, you are either brave, crazy or the uni-bomber!!! It's grueling. There is no question about it.
I now have a greater understanding of why re-wilders like Urban Scout are preaching community. Everything is much easier with a lil bit o' help. Especially in any climate that may have harsh storms during the winter.
*****
Western North Carolina used to not have this kind of weather, not the last ten years I have lived here until last winter. I hear from locals it's been over 20 years since they have seen storms like this. So although I am kicking myself, at the same time how was i to know about the micro-climate PLUS the strange climate changes?
What would you do, if you were me?
*
Xoxoxoox

PLumbing-Splosion!!!!!!!!

This morning I woke up to the sound of rain! Loud pouring rain that almost soothed me back to sleep, but then I was so excited to see that the snow may be melting I had to sit up in the bed I made in my loft, to look down to the windows. Only....
there was no rain!
I started my way down the ladder, with even more excitement thinking, OH YES my pipes have defrosted and I have running water again for the first time in 2 weeks!!!!!!!
But....
when I got down the ladder to my horror my cabin was flooding, with all the water I had wished for everyday. I had my wish, but it was pouring out with force by the gallon onto the floor from underneath the sink somewhere. I pulled out my stove as fast as i could to get a better look only to see the stupid sediment filter had cracked to pieces! Because it has been so COLD in my cabin (without having insulation yet) that not only did my plants melt and die, the water had froze in my tub to ice, but now my filter had cracked and was spewing all over.
I ran outside, slip sliding through slushy snow, scampering under my house to find the shut off valve - which i assumed would be right at the water source before it comes into the cabin... but...
it wasn't there. No. Shut. Off. Valve!
I began ripping plastic vapor barrier off the under side of the cabin only to be deluged in waterfalls of water that had been filling up in the plastic, water down my sleeves and on my face, wetting my hair - while cramped under the cabin. No. shut. off. valve.
I ran back inside, tried dumping buckets, but it would fill faster then I could ever dump. I ran my hands along the pipe lines feelings for something, anything that could save me.
I went back under the house to poke holes in the vapor barrier only to slip and hit my hand on a rock and cut myself. Open cut, bleeding. Grrrrrrrrr!
Now...
it's times like this i realize, i am alone out here. Water is pouring everywhere, coming right through the siding of my cabin, dripping out the outside wall. Just the day before I was punching icicles off the Luck Cabin and cursing the bad winter, begging the universe that be to PLZ melt this shit. OK, so i didn't mean quite like that!
........
I went inside to look at the pouring filter, to write down what size & type it was, since it was obvious a new filter case would be a possible answer to this bullshit moment (not a good solution, just A solution). I have to say I never really liked the idea of a filter, I find that EVERYTHING that is more advanced, everything that is dependent on the system, everything similar to things like filters causes more problems in the end. I cursed the filter, and decided my gall bladder can be my water filter.
But....
while getting soaked under there, i put my hand underneath the sediment filter and.. FELT THE SHUT OFF VALVE!!!!!!!!! hiding!!!!!!!!
Turned off the water.
............................................................
Lessons :

• Pex piping still didnt break or come apart in the bad sub zero weather and was good! Pex RULES!
• Cabin needs insulation or this is totally insane
• Filters mean more money, more problems, more environmental waste and break easily in the cold (AKA, i am removing the filter.)
• Gravity fed spring water.... needs proper shut off valve somewhere OUTSIDE cause you can't stop the water flow. Also,the water keeps on flowing during sub zero weather which is good. I think the shut off should always be right at the very beginning of the pipes that are going to the house, right where the water comes up out the ground.
• No matter how much you prepare, shit happens. It is life.

SONG FOR THE DAY:

XOxoxoxo

Hell Froze Over, A Snowball Has A Chance

When I woke up this morning I had this horrible vision in my head that my animals would all be dead and frozen despite all I have done to make this storm OK for them...
Maybe cause the other day when I drove to town for supplies I saw a horse somewhere in Leicester laying on the ground in a big field, appearing to be dead, after the last snow storm. And I thought, PLEASE gawd don't let that happen to JuJu Bean.
*
The last ten years here in western north carolina had really been pleasant during the winter (on a hot sauce scale it was the bland, mild, without spices) - until last year's hell-a-cious snow frenzy. It seems this season has picked up right where last year left off it's white fluffy drama (on the hot sauce scale it's now spicy, tongue burning, tear jerking, nose running, red HOT).
Except, it's FrOcking cold.
So frigid in fact, the water i filled up in my tub INSIDE my cabin is now frozen solid.
The spring water for the animals to drink finally froze over too. A thick layer of ice formed which i crushed hard by kicking it in with my boots then lifted pieces up outta the way. Unfortunately, not much water was underneath, and I had to smoosh the pot into the cold mud to gather anything. I also had to smash/slam the hell out of the pot against a tree trunk to get the frozen water out. (A rebel yell or grunt makes it easier when swinging!)
*
JuJu the donkey is now limping also. Which worries me, i kept scraping snow off the favored hoof and breathing warmth onto her ears. As I pushed my feet through a foot of snow back to the Luck Cabin I was thinking about tropical islands( yes, mmmmm), i was finally 'getting' why people are obsessive about moving to costa rica and some such places. I was longing for my hometown of New Orleans, if only for a lil warmth and sunshine. I was also thinking... building a sustainable place to live, all alone, in a frigid cold harsh winter'ed location is NOT a good idea. (Note to self: Dont ask if you made a mistake cause it's too late!) Too hard, unless you have a partner who is there to help each day and minute with the unforeseen trials and tribulations of this kind of lifestyle.
Until then I can go between laughing and crying when i fall down in the snow over and over, and beg all powers in the universe to spare my animals.
Not much is making me feel better....
but Billy Idol helps. Thanks BaBY JEzuz for keeping Our ELECtricty On! ;)


Xoxoxox

Screwed Blued and Tattoo'ed (or just snowed in again)

Terrible no good very bad SNOW STORM PREP ::::

• drove truck to state road that gets plowed and hiked back up a mile to the cabin
• filled the tub with water (pot by pot cause the water pipes under my cabin froze a week ago)
• fill pots and jars with water
• cook food ahead of time
• clean house, change cat litter, feed animals
• cleaned out composting toilet (frozen urine would be just TOO frOckin' much for me at this point!!!!)
• carried in STACKS of logs into the cabin and onto the porch
• hand washed comfort clothes and hung to dry above wood stove
• move all my bedding into my loft, where it's warm & I will be sleeping when it get down to -20 degrees
• charge up my crank lantern
• fall down in snow a bunch and not cry

And this is not even the beginning of what is to come...
the last storm never bothered to melt, my pipes under the house never defrosted (even though my gravity fed spring is still running just fine. It was supposed to rain today but instead of nice melty rain it snowed a few more inches. And well the icing on that snow cake is coming tonight and tomorrow thru the night.... feet of snow icing I am guessing.

What can i say? I dont like this part.... whatever this is a part of. But the feeling of accomplishing so much in one day to prepare for the worst feels damn good.

I need a girl scout uniform... but one that is long sleeve and made of alpaca wool, comes with matching wool gloves, hat, scarf, coat and leggings. With logo snow boots. Thanks Universe!

*****

BTW- I hope i don't lose power, internet or phone... but I dont know what is coming, and after last year I except the worst. Will miss ya'll if I do go M.I.A!!!! SMOOCHes!

XOxoxoxoxo