We No Speak Americano (dance!)

I drank some Usnea tea and had a lil' burst of energy. YAY!
So here is my July 4th tribute. Except i forgot it was July 4th until a little while ago. oh! bad bad americano, i am!



XoxoxX

Ghost Of Myself

I went on a ghost story binge yesterday.... which made me want to make my own fake ghost picture in the Luck Cabin.
So here is me, dead and haunting you.
:)
In other news.... the test results came back from the allopathic doctor and I am free of parasites they say. Like 100%.
Only thing that sucks about that, is i only got about 30-40% better after having took the Para-shield pills. So what next?
Even though i paid the doctor in full and many many hundreds of my dollars, they refused to call me back and tell me what route i should take. Also they told me to go to my family doctor, which i dont have, DUH, cause most doctors suck. Then they promised to refer me after the holiday ends. But only to a GI clinic which i have been before that treated me very badly.
GO US health care!

So...... for now I will concentrate on balancing the after-battle damage. (parasites and all methods to kill the little shitheads can really put your digestive track out of whack and under serious distress. )
Fingers crossed.... for probiotics, usnea tea, salt baths, happy thoughts, etc.....
...........
a wise man asked me recently "is this a hill you are willing to die on"....
no,
fuck no. Not ready to be the ghost of myself just yet.

XOxoXoxo

BURn Buuurrrnnn

That is my toilet paper burning. Yeah, sometimes i burned it before instead of compost it (it's a good way to start a bon fire)..... but this time i burn it with vengeance, witchery, science, and anger. I burn it to kill. I burn it it to rid the world of just a few more of the parasites which poison water throughout the world.
While I still wait for the test results to come back from the doctor about what exactly has invaded my body via my pond.... but i know what it is, the tests are just some scientific confirmation and a ticket to do more aggressive killing tactics. In the meantime... i burn things. I burn my toilet paper. I burn the junk i shovel out my composting toilet.
I burn with a motivation, an anger specific to an invasion of your body. Battle ground.
Sometimes I have moments of relief, while other times the pain from the parasites is so great that i sit slumped over and cry... i cry so sincerely that my bunnies and chickens and duck come to see what is wrong. The donkey will hee haw.
If a girl cries in the woods, do the trees hear her sounds?
I feel haunted by these parasites, by my own past which i forgot i had left behind until these last 5 weeks...
I refuse to live this way again. And so while i wait, i burn it away.
Piece by piece.
Note To Universe ::: pleasssseeee make this end, ASAP. please.



XOoxoXO

Trip To The Doctor

XOOXOoxox

I Will Go With You

But probably i wont. :)))

Still working on getting better... dancing to release the stagnate energy in my body.



XoxoXO

Self Dedication

Cause sometimes no one else is gonna dedicate a song to you, so you just have to do it for yourself!
Here is mine for today.....
(luckily this time it isn't Air SUppley, heh?! lol)

this video is the best of alot of worlds for me.... the marching band (like mardi gras in new orleans), the lyrics, the marching band uniforms are not only hawt but also in my fav color.... then swamp camo monster people playing wind instruments! .... its all too much!!



XOxoxX

LOcal WrestlinG, the STW Anarchy Co.

**************

Back when I lived in Big Sandy Mush (oh how i miss the BSM & it's sunny valley)... I used to ride my bike, or get a ride on Bort's scooter to the BLue Ridge Championship Wrestling matches at the community center. It was all there was to do around there. And it was awesome.
Of course i don't really fit in with the crowd but that never made me less loved or accepted at these events.
Recently I discovered there is some local wrestling (somewhat) nearby where I am living now! But over down in Haywood County....

Was it any less? Any more? Any different? Then the wrestling I dared to watch before?

Shit if I know. Maybe all of the above.
All i do know, is i laughed and screamed the entire time - Anarchy wrestlers do alot of yelling and talking, to each other and the crowd. They used chairs, ladders, face slapping, name calling. They told children in the audience to "shut up" and there seemed to be little boundaries once the testosterone got rolling.
It is in my opinion performance art, on every level. Someone could argue with me that it's not, but I wont listen. As redneck as these things may seem to some, there is serious endurance involved, serious acting, creative thinking, and some of those jumps are WOW... I was totally entertained.

Here are the highlights of local wrestling in Clyde , NC -------- It's a FULL on beat down!!

PS--- the titty twister is of course, my favorite part!



XOXOOX

Where Have I Been?

Only the trees, birds and bees know for sure. :))

Remember my To Do At The Luck Cabin (even though i can not live here year round for the rest of my life) but I am going to keep doing stuff anyway LIST?
Me either. I'll have to go look at it.
But, I think i have been getting some of it done....
Let's just say I have been 'taking out the trash' in my life - in with new out with old.

***
1. First big change... I put up a gate on my road to keep strangers in vehicles and 4 wheelers and gators OUT, and keep JuJu the donkey IN. So far it's working it's function really well. I already planned on doing this, but the point was driven harder to get this gate up for JuJu patrol when a bobcat came and killed 6 chickens and my female duck. (I found the bobcat tracks and no other tracks around.)
One big drawback, JuJu started trying to eat my house. Ya'll may argue this, but it is just to get my attention and be an asshole... she has hay and green things and a salt lick to eat. She learned quickly that eating the house made me come out the house and be mad.... she don't care about the mad part. :0
BTW -Did I mention this gate also helps keep out random rednecks? Yay!

2. Then I started finally doing all the laundry that had been building up, got my Lehman's Hand Washer drain unclogged... hang drying clothes and sheets on the line, when the sun finallllllly shined day after day.

3. Got all the literal trash loaded up in my truck and my uncle's truck... which lead me into....

4. a house cleaning SPREE! You know the neglect is bad when a 425 sq ft house takes over 3 days to get cleaned up. To be fair i was cleaning outside too, plus cleaning out my soul and disposing of outdated relationship knick knacks, etc....

5. NEW GUTTERS (hooked up to rain barrels)! woo! the old gutters were ripped off the house during the winter by the extreme amount of snow and ice on the roof (bent the thing right in half like a twist tie). Now the new gutters are hooked into the rain barrels!

6. Did i mention taking the trash out of my love life & heart? I did a dance about it for myself and my friend Heather (the one who had brain surgery recently & is going through a break up). Watch it HERE if you dare, cause it's got pazzaz and passion.

7. Outside shower is FIXED! yay! There was a tiny amount of PVC piping left on there and it had of course cracked during the winter. I had stop valves put on the shower for winter time and all the piping for the cabin & outside shower are now PEX only. None of the pex ever broke.

8. BUGS.... of course. I have been looking at all the new bugs coming out. Moths and caterpillars and flying crawling, wiggling things.
9. and i am working on getting vitamin D.... a nice tan with freckles, sunshine, every moment i can, every moment till my skin says it's reached it's daily dose. After this winter.... the daily dose is alot higher then normal.
10. And lastly.... i FINALLY got my passport in the mail! Now i can run away at anytime. to. well. Anywhere in the world. Being the smarty pants i am, i am saving money for when the moment comes... because one thing is for sure, I won't spend another full winter up here at this cabin by myself. Not cause I am pussy, but cause I have done it and learned that it's not safe, healthy, normal, or good for one person to do alone. Not at this property. So I will be ready with "get out of jail" card just in case I go out with a big bang.

***
I love change. It's so good.

XOXOOOX

Post Traumatic Winter Syndrome

The last two winters here in western north carolina have been rough. And that is extremely understated. The first bad one, I was around others... this last one, that is now pulling it's cold clutches out of the air, i did on my own. This winter raped me. Harsh, maybe i shouldn't use that word - but it comes something close to that... the way a bad car accident leaves you with this weird changed feeling. The way some near death moment makes you go OMG, ah HA! Or the way it feels after a bad break up. I make these comparisions because the experience was so intense, it took something from me... something I can not even begin to describe in words. It also gave me something back, something there also are no words for.... something mysterious i have yet to identify. All I know is something is gone, and something new has come to take it's place. A winter vet, is what i consider myself. It can sound dramatic, but if you think it's not that bad - come on up here next winter and trade places with me (will be great! Like those 80's movies where people swap bodies!).... come when it's -20 degree winds, no running water for a month, no insulation in the walls, keep the fire going or freeze, you can carry groceries in waist deep snow and start getting hypothermia with a mile of steep hill to push through still (have no food or get up there!). And go without seeing other people for weeks at a time. And hardest of all, all the planning you did isn't going to be enough... no matter how well you prepare shit happens. Many friends wanted me to put this place up for sale because winter here will always be harder then most the rest of western north carolina (due to my elevation/location)... but here is spring. Beautiful magical perfection. No for sale sign yet. Every cold wind that comes as the weather changes, is nothing to me now - but a reminder of all that changed inside me. I neither fear it, enjoy it, or loathe it because I have come out to the other side. But when i think about the winters to come... I have post traumtic winter syndrome. I feel the worst loathing & i want to run. No more! No more! I won't do another winter alone here. I have no idea what will happen between now and next year but I know this much, I will make that one wish happen. (It's human nature to move towards always making our lives better in one way or another, so i will indulge...) Details be damned. They are just the breaths between the action. *********************************************************** xoxox **footnote** "A body swap is a storytelling device seen in a variety of fiction, most often in television shows and movies, in which two people (or beings) exchange minds and end up in each other's bodies. Alternatively, their minds may stay where they are as their bodies adjust. There are three distinct types of body swapping. Switches can be caused by magic items such as amulets, heartfelt wishes, or just strange quirks of the universe. The switches typically reverse after the subjects have expanded their world views, gained a new appreciation for each other's troubles by literally "walking in another's shoes" and/or caused sufficient amounts of farce."

Dance Time, Stereo Love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Having another burst of cabin fever on this cold rainy spring day!
must...move...my...body... or i will goooo insane.



xoxox

Warm Sunny Days Make....

Being Warm & Sunny Makes So Much POssible! *
1. eating watermelon in the sun 2. getting vitamin D & nice tan 3. planting seeds to grow an awesome organic garden 4. watching the animals lay down in sunny spots & run free, yay! 5. don't need no socks and shoes.... 6. for that matter, underwear becomes optional too! 7. hanging clothes to dry on the line, they come out smelling sooooo good 8. Theoretically could be sprayed with a hose for fun 9. Can open windows for fresh air 10. everything is just easier!!!!!!!!

* xoxoxoox

Wishes and Freedom

(picture, 1997-ish, age 20 -- Tunica Hills, LA.)

Do you ever feel trapped by the flow of your own life? Things are going just as planned, in fact you might even be getting some of the things you wished for... and of course when you get those, you wish for more things. Or say nothing is going as planned, it's a big mess and so you want to escape.

I have noticed that humans (myself for sure) tend to go from day to day building up a life, building brick upon brick, foundation, into walls, into personal castle. It seems as though we are building something great, it feels quite safe and accomplished to have something worked on for so long. It's your inner self, the castle... your beliefs, your lifestyle, all your choices, your personality and day to day reactions. And you are really invested in it, of course.

But I... don't know if my castle matters. My opinions are like the wind. I don't know if having the goal of being perfectly stable and predictable is healthy, worth it, or even fun. I don't know if once my castle is all built if i even care to decorate the inside or move in... maybe i just like to go from place to place building new castles, trying out new things, taking risks. Rather then get attached to what i built.

It's not that i don't like myself, or that i don't like my lifestyle. It's that something inside me, some soul-like substance is always driving me to new experiences and I can't really stop it. I have spent the last ten years working on living a sustainable life in the woods, and I have accomplished more then I ever thought I would. It started because I was sick with horrible health problems and then I fell in love with every blade of grass, every wildflower, every rock... i had slowed down enough to merge with nature. And nature taught me how to truly love. But now... i want something else -and i am not referring to city living, but more a coming out of the foggy patterns my health put me in. I want to merge with nature, people, reality, the world, my own health, my own potential - the full picture. I don't have to focus only on one wish, i want a bigger picture,

i want freedom to seek the picture and all it's contents.

XOxoxo

The FOG

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ride with me through the creeeeepppppy SPooookkkY fog!
It's so beautiful, you will want to reach out and touch it, like a bug goes towards a bug light.



xoxoxo

Gun Tossin, Twirling, Tricks

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I totally made the pom poms for my boots. and yes, I am totally gonna win the Biggest Dork award.
Also... if i can toss around a heavy 12 gauge shotgun like that, well - always call before coming over.



xoxoxox

Logging Truck, my special friend...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Who everyone wants to get stuck behind when driving rural windy roads all the way into town!!!
LOGGING TRUCK!

This is my idea of taking mundane reality to new heights.
It almost gave me a headache in real life... so sorry if it gives a cyber one.



xoxoxo

The Arts Will Save Me (and us all)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

and now for something completely different.
art, nature. have similar effects when you submerge yourself into them. and let go of the outcome.



xoxox

Thrift Score.... and bruiser drives the truck?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Today, I went(with the neighbors dog) to the thrift store! Then I wanted to go visit my Aunt (who is so awesome) but I got totally lost on the way to her place cause all the street signs were bent ajar, and the numbers on the houses were not consistent.

I stopped to ask directions 3 times on one straight road.

The third time, I was asking some 100 yr old man at a nursing home about using a phone, when i turned around I see my truck was driving away with the dog in reverse, down the nursing home driveway and out into the street, and up on someones lawn- people on the road were slamming on the breaks & slowing down - i was running and screaming, chasing down my truck - luckily before it could hit the person's house, it hit a uphill patch of grass and it forced the truck to slow/stop reversing.

A lil' video of da' adventcha ::::



xoxoxox

DAncing into SAnity!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have to dance. There is snow here again, and I would like to become indifferent to the white on the ground and my whitening skin.
Why can't my teeth be white too?





xxoxoxox

WHat You WAiTinG FoR! (Dance Off)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So my theory is, if i embarass myself enough times, evenutally i will break. And be a free spirit like i always wanted to be. This one is helping bunches.

Go see more at Dance Off!



xoxoxoxo

Breaking Icicles ft JuJu the donkey

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
______________________________

I like, I dont like, I like. What do I like?
I like JuJu. I like life.



Xoxoxoxo