Post Traumatic Winter Syndrome

The last two winters here in western north carolina have been rough. And that is extremely understated. The first bad one, I was around others... this last one, that is now pulling it's cold clutches out of the air, i did on my own. This winter raped me. Harsh, maybe i shouldn't use that word - but it comes something close to that... the way a bad car accident leaves you with this weird changed feeling. The way some near death moment makes you go OMG, ah HA! Or the way it feels after a bad break up. I make these comparisions because the experience was so intense, it took something from me... something I can not even begin to describe in words. It also gave me something back, something there also are no words for.... something mysterious i have yet to identify. All I know is something is gone, and something new has come to take it's place. A winter vet, is what i consider myself. It can sound dramatic, but if you think it's not that bad - come on up here next winter and trade places with me (will be great! Like those 80's movies where people swap bodies!).... come when it's -20 degree winds, no running water for a month, no insulation in the walls, keep the fire going or freeze, you can carry groceries in waist deep snow and start getting hypothermia with a mile of steep hill to push through still (have no food or get up there!). And go without seeing other people for weeks at a time. And hardest of all, all the planning you did isn't going to be enough... no matter how well you prepare shit happens. Many friends wanted me to put this place up for sale because winter here will always be harder then most the rest of western north carolina (due to my elevation/location)... but here is spring. Beautiful magical perfection. No for sale sign yet. Every cold wind that comes as the weather changes, is nothing to me now - but a reminder of all that changed inside me. I neither fear it, enjoy it, or loathe it because I have come out to the other side. But when i think about the winters to come... I have post traumtic winter syndrome. I feel the worst loathing & i want to run. No more! No more! I won't do another winter alone here. I have no idea what will happen between now and next year but I know this much, I will make that one wish happen. (It's human nature to move towards always making our lives better in one way or another, so i will indulge...) Details be damned. They are just the breaths between the action. *********************************************************** xoxox **footnote** "A body swap is a storytelling device seen in a variety of fiction, most often in television shows and movies, in which two people (or beings) exchange minds and end up in each other's bodies. Alternatively, their minds may stay where they are as their bodies adjust. There are three distinct types of body swapping. Switches can be caused by magic items such as amulets, heartfelt wishes, or just strange quirks of the universe. The switches typically reverse after the subjects have expanded their world views, gained a new appreciation for each other's troubles by literally "walking in another's shoes" and/or caused sufficient amounts of farce."

Ant Headed Black Beetle-ish Bug

Another resident at the Luck Cabin! I love inside bugs during the winter because outside I just don't see them anymore - the ground here is frozen now, like the mud has become a brown hard glacier.
I have this black bug buddy crawling up my walls and sneaking behind things to stay warm a few times but had not had the chance to get close up....

but once I did, i was really baffled by all the bugs this one insect represented... beetle in it's movement, ant faced, bee segmented belly, tiny wings (faux or not?) , grasshopper legs!

WHat Is IT?

This buggie is also rather large! It is not the size of an ant... it's a bit of a beast. The kind of bug that would make my mom freak out and call for help. (My mom once called the police when a snake was in her yard!)

It even walked straight up to my cat Toots and tried to start a fight with her. She kept backing her face away from it.

Xoxoxo

A Recluse Who Has A Party?

I did... for the first time in ten years. I had myself a little party.
It started out sweet with many close family members, some neighbors and my uncle setting up a shelter for the two ducks he gave me as a gift! I love ducks :))))
It progressed to a raging awesome bon fire with friends, and lots of good inappropriate conversation topics being discussed, like composting toilets... which generally leads to talk of urine and diarrhea. We talked alot about roaches too. These are things I love to talk about.
But as the night draws on boys tend to want kisses...

and I start to wanna rock out to satellite radio by a warm cabin fire....

and it ends close to when I pull out my best dance move, which is a New Orleans thing called 'poppin' I learned when i was 16. Two african american girls at my catholic school shut the classroom door when the teacher stepped out and told all the white girls they were going to show us how to actually dance! They jumped upside down on a wall and basically booty shook & humped the wall with their school skirts falling over their heads. I learned it right away and have been sharing it ever since.

At my party... I am 'poppin' on my own fridge.

Before I had this first party as a recluse I wondered if i'd ever want to have another one again after it was over....

I wonder no longer. Parties are good to have, and human nature is hilarious.

xoxxoooo