You Burn Bras, I Burn Panties

For the last week, I have been taking a antibiotic called "Flagyl".... it kills protozoa. While raging through the waves of illness and side effects to the drugs - i decided to take the time to test out my skills at being OCD. I am not so good at it, but i have mopped my floors about 4 times this week (more then i usually do all year), i have washed clothes, scrubbed the tub and sinks several times, i have taken everything out cabinets and wiped them down. Soon i will do a second round on cleaning out the composting toilet (supremely unpleasant now!)

Then as a final anti-parasite ritual (with practical purpose) i decided to buy all new underwear and burn the hell out of the pairs i have been wearing since i got sick.
Wasteful? yeah.... well, so are sick people who use tons of toilet paper, medicines, resources, and waste away doing nothing but being ill ---- and i dont want to re-infect myself, or some other person. My panties were the main thing i own that could questionably harbor the parasite because i don't have a dryer to high heat kill them, and with the summer humidity I can't quite get anything "dry" around here.
So BURNNNnnn bayb burn. Sorry panties.

The antibiotics have halted the diarrhea finally....but it's not like I went back to normal, because with all the other symptoms the pills cause i don't know left from right.
It's akin, to being a zombie, who has demons exercised out ya body, with sick gaggable nausea, headaches, stiff neck, and sleepy brain... with a side order of cramps, paranoia, confused/disjointed thoughts, and jumpy body parts. WTF. Oh and i can't go in the sun at all!!!
Vampire maker pills!

XoxOXO

BURn Buuurrrnnn

That is my toilet paper burning. Yeah, sometimes i burned it before instead of compost it (it's a good way to start a bon fire)..... but this time i burn it with vengeance, witchery, science, and anger. I burn it to kill. I burn it it to rid the world of just a few more of the parasites which poison water throughout the world.
While I still wait for the test results to come back from the doctor about what exactly has invaded my body via my pond.... but i know what it is, the tests are just some scientific confirmation and a ticket to do more aggressive killing tactics. In the meantime... i burn things. I burn my toilet paper. I burn the junk i shovel out my composting toilet.
I burn with a motivation, an anger specific to an invasion of your body. Battle ground.
Sometimes I have moments of relief, while other times the pain from the parasites is so great that i sit slumped over and cry... i cry so sincerely that my bunnies and chickens and duck come to see what is wrong. The donkey will hee haw.
If a girl cries in the woods, do the trees hear her sounds?
I feel haunted by these parasites, by my own past which i forgot i had left behind until these last 5 weeks...
I refuse to live this way again. And so while i wait, i burn it away.
Piece by piece.
Note To Universe ::: pleasssseeee make this end, ASAP. please.



XOoxoXO

Ritual-less Ritual

Change. It's not just the seasons... it's another one of those things that happens inside me, something that feels like I made it over a hurdle I didn't even know i was jumping. Then i am free'd by the feeling of my feet hitting the ground. Not Running. Standing still, seeing, watching, learning.

All my life people have thought I was a free spirit and most my life I have felt largely trapped by this, that and the other... something always holding me back (usually I could blame the stagnation on my health). It's not some kind of hippy thing, like I am going to fee myself by joining a nudist colony & OM'ing... it's inside me. Something that says, I am free to have what i deserve, free to seek what interests me, free to look in the mirror and like what i see no matter what the world may see, free to love what i love, free to run around a big fire with headphones stuck in my ears & dance. And no one is watching. No needs to be.

I never was good at religion, rituals, worship or agreeing with the Pope. And I'm still not. I wouldn't even make a good witch. My religion is watching the fire with a smile, having enough food and being thankful for it, having a place to live that reminds me of what heaven would be like (at least during the better seasons), and hell during the winter. Trials of sacrafice and empowerment in simple tasks, like staying warm, finding friends in a remote location, getting behind the wheel of a car and finally being able to drive again.

And freedom for me = i can get my feet dirty. Completely black.

XOxoxoxoX

Just Fire

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I made a big bon fire... to burn branches from the hemlock trees that died and have the disease that's killing them. Also a funeral fire to burn my chickens who died this winter.
and a fire to keep me warm while sitting outdoors in the cold wind. Something about a good fire, makes me feel so alive, relaxed and full of love. (I could be mixing this up with my PMS though, aka enhanced dramatic emotions... ask me in a week or so!)



xoxoxo

A Recluse Who Has A Party?

I did... for the first time in ten years. I had myself a little party.
It started out sweet with many close family members, some neighbors and my uncle setting up a shelter for the two ducks he gave me as a gift! I love ducks :))))
It progressed to a raging awesome bon fire with friends, and lots of good inappropriate conversation topics being discussed, like composting toilets... which generally leads to talk of urine and diarrhea. We talked alot about roaches too. These are things I love to talk about.
But as the night draws on boys tend to want kisses...

and I start to wanna rock out to satellite radio by a warm cabin fire....

and it ends close to when I pull out my best dance move, which is a New Orleans thing called 'poppin' I learned when i was 16. Two african american girls at my catholic school shut the classroom door when the teacher stepped out and told all the white girls they were going to show us how to actually dance! They jumped upside down on a wall and basically booty shook & humped the wall with their school skirts falling over their heads. I learned it right away and have been sharing it ever since.

At my party... I am 'poppin' on my own fridge.

Before I had this first party as a recluse I wondered if i'd ever want to have another one again after it was over....

I wonder no longer. Parties are good to have, and human nature is hilarious.

xoxxoooo